It's nearly here: Fall in New York. At least, it better be almost here because I may melt before it fully arrives. Each day when I enter the subway station practically holding my breath because the heavy heat takes it away anyway, I think to myself, Fall will be here at some point. There will be a day when you will not have to shower three times.

Anyway, besides the weather adjusting itself back to normalcy, September in New York is basically the fashion world's birthday. That's right, kiddos! It's Fashion Week and Fashion's Night Out. So in honor of the upcoming celebrations, behold the trends I'd like to see officially banished by the sartorial royalty.

1. Cut-off shirts
I understand the heat. I really do. I've survived summers in Missouri and now a summer in New York in the very same humidity, pollution and heat that you're experiencing. The difference though, is that I've managed to keep my clothes from looking like I attacked them with a scissors in a heat-induced rage. Pull it together, hipsters. It's time for you to latch on to a new, more flattering trend.

2. In the very same PBR-filled vein, high-waisted denim shorts. Don't get me started. The look so cute and sophomoric from the front (on some, but certainly not all), and then said hipster turns around and every onlooker is privy to a dose of a twenty-something bottom in diapers. Saggy, ill-fitting acid-washed diapers. 

3. Bodycon.
I admit, I've owned not one but TWO pieces that would fall into this category. Originally made popular by Herve Leger and Balmain a couple years ago, this trend has been mass-produced and massively abused. At the height of the style's popularity, it was great to feel slimmer and edgy, but I've since decided I was missing out on one very crucial activity: breathing.
 
So, below I give you images of each of these offending styles only perpetuated here as an educational tool.
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Curtain-bangs here is smirking because she can feel the breeze. Through her belly button.
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Don't be fooled. She's wondering when was the last time she changed her DIAPER.
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Rachel has been breathing again since early 2009 and can attest to its greatness.
 


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